We hung out around Heredia chatting and discovering each other's favorite childhood memory (or some other subject over which we bonded, I forget); when we finally realized what time it was, it was already 12:30. Buses back to Barva and back to San José had stopped running hours ago (OK, so maybe only an hour, but either way we were stuck!) so we ended up having to (chastely, mind you) get a hotel. We solicited a cab driver to take us to the nearest, cheapest hotel, and as the desk worker handed us our room #7 we simultaneously noticed the name of the place: El y Ella. Him and Her, for those English speaking readers. One could only speculate the type of activities that occurred in such an establishment, and Chuck and I half-jokingly threw around the idea of asking for the price difference if we paid by the hour.
So, here we are, a non-couple in a very couple-intended facility, and this is what we found in Room #7:
- There was a hole in our bedroom floor that looked into the bathroom of the room below. That is a lie, however, because upon further inspection the supposed bathroom contained mops, buckets and other janitor-worthy cleaning supplies. But there was still a hole in our floor!
- The bathroom "door" was a see-through yellow shower curtain, and there were at least 2 cockroaches who failed to understand the point of remaining inconspicuously hidden from view. And one of them was massive, I might add, and obviously the cleaner, less-diseased of the two because he resided in the shower.
- The window had a great view.....of the roof next door and probably a fifty foot high smokestack pouring out foul pollutants. You know the type. Only maybe there was just an ugly view out a window that people were just glad was there so they could see approximately what time it was/ whether it was raining as they shimmied back into their pants before hitting the afternoon at the office. Either way, it was unpleasant. But the room was for sleeping, (in my mind, possibly not the majority of the clientele) so who cared about an ugly view anyway, yeah?
- The walls were covered with sad attempts at English phrases that have probably never even been uttered in English, such as "I so hiiiigh an I want to do it all niet long, but I cannnnn." Oh. Ohhhhhhh-kay. I feel for you, man.
- There were also scratches on the wall. Had we entered a rabid armadillo holding cell? The world may never know...
- Chuck and I awoke early in the morning because a) someone was hammering on the roof, b) the ugly window failed to open, (ahhh, so this is NOT a suicide hotel) and it was burning up in the room.
- Then we discovered a creepy green stain on Chuck's side of the bed, so we squished the two of us onto my side to continue our fitful slumber.
- When we finally awoke, Chuck threw around the idea of a shower, but mourned the loss of a towel. I told him he could use the blanket from the bed, but I think I was mostly joking, especially after he looked like he might vomit at the execution of that idea.
As we got ready to leave, Chuck discovered a crunchy towel wrapped in a plastic sleeve---had it been sterilized? Had it needed sterilization?--So Chuck unfolded it and we both cracked up: Hey, Let's TWIST! Wow.... - So, my favorite part about this hotel was brushing my teeth--the sink was teetering above-and-behind the toilet and somehow the piping was connected: when I spit my excess toothpaste into the sink, it bubbled up in the stagnant toilet bowl. I realize the sink drains into the toilet, but I refuse to soil myself with thoughts about whether the toilet drained into the sink... the sink I used to brush my teeth....[shudder]
- Did I mention that this room cost 7,000 colones, which is approximately $14? It was totally worth it, if only for the complimentary continental breakfast of toilet water and free room service wake-up call via hammer at 5:00 am.
- We left. Hurriedly. And sadly, did not make it to Volcán Barva.
